They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You made out with two different species that night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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