i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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