drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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