So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
