i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize