Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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