Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize