its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
