"it" just moved
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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