I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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