Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
