Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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