moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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