So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
