tell your sister to shave her snatch
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize