You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
