I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
