just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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