Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
