I heard we made out
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
