Me too!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
