Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize