We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
