Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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