i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
