I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
