just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
