i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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