My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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