We won't sleep together?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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