lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
