maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
