she woke up with a sticky ear
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
