yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
