You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you win again, gameday.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
