I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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