Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's paper in my vomit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
