Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
