my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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