Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
