i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
should my penis look like a turkey
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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