Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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