I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize