Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
