i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
