Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
