I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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