dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
