Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize