Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If that was your dad, he is hot
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
