Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
