i just sent this text using only my big toe
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
