ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
