Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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