i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
