I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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