Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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