Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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