how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's an acceptable place to lick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
