when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we're so committed to being not committed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
