I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize