You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
