i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
