I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
