He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
