DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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