i permit you to call me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
