Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
