I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
