I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
