i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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