How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
