Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
