He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
