Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
