The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
