Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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