I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
