i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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