so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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