she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
