Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were trust falling into bushes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
