i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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