I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
