Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
