I'm lost and stupid without you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
