I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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