Four minutes until I can fart!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
