I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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