70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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