Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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