I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
