drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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