Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
