My cat gives me a boner
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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