when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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