She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
