I just saw a hot homeless man
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
