Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i've created a new STD.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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