Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
