You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
