did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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