Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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