All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
