Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
