I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
