He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
